Emotions

You know what I'm really fucking sick of? Besides every single god damn person in Btown, I'm really sick of people only talking to me when they have a problem, or when something bad happens to them. Yes, I will always be 100% open to anyone with a problem, but no one ever fucking asks me how I'm doing myself. Ever. I'm a god damn normal person who goes through shit too and yet no one EVER fucking asks. My life would literally be made if I knew that I had a friend who really, truly, and genuinely cared about what happened in my life, and who wanted to listen to me talk about my problems. I've done this things where I've put others' needs before my own for so long, and I never minded, and I still don't mind, but ALL I WANT IS FOR SOMEONE TO ASK ME HOW I AM DOING. AM I OK? AM I ALRIGHT? HOW AM I DOING? And I want them to ask because they genuinely want to know too, not because I'm making them feel bad/asking them too. The only time someone texts me is when they need something. Literally the only person I even fucking text anymore is Hilary, and a good 80% of the time it's me texting her first, and a good 90% of the time, we're talking about her, and the rare 10% of the time that my life comes up, we talk about it only briefly. I love Hilary to death and she is my bestest of best friend, but she never asks me how I am. And the sad part is that I don't even think she really cares. And she's not even what prompted me to write this blog post. When Jacob dumped Syd, he texted me every single fucking day. And I didn't mind at all! I was there for him every second, and the second he gets back together with her, he never texts me again. Ryan is like that too. I'll listen to his problems and give him advice, and the second I talk about my life, he zones out.

And don't even get me started about friends that have boyfriends. Literally your boyfriend does not define you. I HATE that. You don't have to spend every second with him. God I have so many fucking friends with boyfriends that it aggravates me. I am there for them whenever something bad happens for them, whenever they need a shoulder to cry on, and what do they do when they get a boyfriend? THEY PUT ME ON THE BACK BURNER. Like FUCK THAT. I NEVER did that when I had a boyfriend, and yeah, maybe that was a small contributing factor towards that relationship's downfall, but I will never understand how people can forget their friends when they have boyfriends. It's completely unforgivable. There's probably nothing that makes me madder than someone who I have been there for every time they needed a friend and then completely ditch me when they get a boyfriend. Like thank you, fuck you too. It makes me feel like shit.

Also I find out from Tufts tomorrow and I know I'm gonna get rejected.

Yeah I just have a lot of resentment in my life right now. Sorry.